So many emotions are running through my head as I sit here staring at the empty “Add New Post” dialogue box. For starters, yesterday was my teammate’s and my last day working with the children at the school. To tell you that I was sad to say “Goodbye” would be a drastic understatement. I announced to them in our English class that I was leaving to go back to America soon, and today was our last time together learning English.
Side Note: I’m a very emotional person (I cry in almost every “touching moment” in movies) and I’m also a sympathy crier (Another reason why there is a very short list of movies that haven’t made me tear up), so you can imagine where this is headed…
I didn’t want my last day to be so.. “School-y” so in English I taught them some American games, hoping that this would distract them from the fact that I was leaving and (not to be a Debbie Downer) would probably never see them again. Nope, it actually worsened my situation. Half the class teared up when the school bell rang– and not just the girls. Well, there went my calm and collected reserve. I was able to regain myself just before our Bible lesson, but looking at all their lost and confused faces, as my teammate, Remi, and I shared about our Savior named Jesus, made my heart hurt.
Here’s where my muddled and profuse emotions come into play. Here I am, sitting in a dimly lit school room, pouring out my heart and soul to children who I met barely a month ago. Children who can barely understand a word I say, but who I care about so deeply, that to see their beautiful faces fills me with an abounding joy. I’m filled with a sadness that I have to leave this place and leave the little ones I’ve come to love. I’m filled with a hope that the words Remi and I spoke, and the love we shared, wouldn’t fall onto hardened hearts. A frustration that I can’t share the Word with them in Khmer. And also a regret that my beginning time in Kampong Cham was consumed with self-pity and homesickness. However, most of all I’m filled with a joy that my Savior gives me and a joy that these children have a future ahead of them. Yes, some of them may not fully grasp the concept of carrying on a relationship with Jesus, or understand the sacrifice that He made for them. But I can leave this country knowing that the Lord sent me to Cambodia to plant the seeds, and I did. Now He will bring someone else to water the ones that took root. What I need to remember is that, although my heart breaks for these children, I did what I could. Now I need to let the Lord use someone else to further His kingdom. It’s not about the amount of “conversions” you can say you witnessed. Or the number of miracles you witnessed. But the effort and willing heart that you put into the work the Lord provided for you. He can use the most curious and amazing circumstances to bring people to His feet.